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Sexually attracted to someone you hate

opinion

By Joahchime, December 7, in Questions about Asexuality.

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The short version of my question is: If I do experience sexual attraction, but strongly dislike the feeling, does that rule me out as asexual? If not, how come? If so, then what does that make me? Are there Sexually attracted to someone you hate other people who Sexually attracted to someone you hate experience sexual attraction but do not like the feeling?

To explain further, I'm pretty sure that I am demi-sexual. I almost never feel sexual attraction towards another person, and if I Sexually attracted to someone you hate, it's never towards someone I don't know.

I can only ever find someone attractive if I've at least talked with them. I have theories for why this is, but at it's most basic level I do think that I just dislike the sensation, rather than any of the meaning that may come with it.

Otherwise, I think my disliking may have to do with the fact that I don't like Sexually attracted to someone you hate my thoughts clouded over by a sensation, and that I don't like the idea of my body trying to control me in some form, especially when another person is involved.

What makes it even more annoying, is that even though I mainly dislike the feeling, in the moment it can become something of a guilty pleasure. I'll dislike sexual attraction at every moment before and after experiencing it, and only like it when I'm fully caught up in it.

But my biggest question is, is there anyone who can relate to this? I tried, albeit not that hard, to find other people in this community who had similar feelings through google searches, and I couldn't find anything related to what I experienced. I also figure that it's relevant to add that Sexually attracted to someone you hate not sex repulsed. I find enjoyment in sexual sensations more often than not.

I just feel like sexual attraction crosses the line.

Are there any other people...

I find it quite exhilarating most of the time. It can be awkward, sure, inappropriate, annoying, Sexually attracted to someone you hate I still enjoy it. So do you ever get the desire for sex?

A Sexually attracted to someone you hate of members here myself included are pushing for a desire based definition for asexuality, and getting rid of the attraction stuff. This is because not Sexually attracted to someone you hate sexual person experiences it, but does have a general or specific desire for sexual activity.

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If you do actually read through AVEN's faqs, you'll see that it defines sexual attraction as the desire for sex which makes no sense to me. Desire and attraction are seperate, but you know, that's what you get when people who don't experience stuff write definitions.

How You Can Be Attracted...

So the asexual community is aiming for defining asexuality as a lack of a desire for sex rather than a lack of an attraction based impulse? How recently Sexually attracted to someone you hate this change been occurring? Because from the research I tried to do, I've only seen it described as a lack of attraction thus far. But anyway, as far as a desire for sex goes, that's a little different for me. I think I'm more indifferent to sex than anything.

I'm more okay with sex because it just seems like a part of life, like a way to continue a species, than anything else. I like Sexually attracted to someone you hate sensations of masturbation at least, since I'm a virginbut I rarely get cravings for sex, and most of the time when I do I can simply ignore them. Thus, on a whole, I don't think I really have a desire for sex, but I think I could have a desire for it, such as, obviously, for the sake of having children, or for being able to enjoy a Sexually attracted to someone you hate sensation, that's naturally built into your body, with someone I love.

Does that mean, then, that even Sexually attracted to someone you hate I experience sexual attraction, I could still be considered asexual because I dislike it? Is it now being deemed that anyone who desires sex isn't asexual, or is it deeper than that? I guess I'm still a little confused. If you Sexually attracted to someone you hate experience the mental impulse to have sex with someone specific but dislike the feeling, then yes, it disqualifies asexuality, but it is under Gray-asexuality.

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And yes, Sexually attracted to someone you hate are other people like this. I've been here regularly for about two years now, and I think the discussion Sexually attracted to someone you hate move to a desire based definition removing "attraction" entirely has been going on for most of that time.

Many folk here are desperate to keep the attraction based definition, and I have my theories as to why, but this isn't really the time or the place to Sexually attracted to someone you hate that. There are also asexual folk who experience no attraction or desire - again, asexual. Conversely, there are sexual folk who don't experience sexual attraction and certainly not the way Sexually attracted to someone you hate defines it but do experience desire for sex - that's precisely what makes them sexual.

The attraction definition has many issues, not least because no one can agree on what it actually is. It's hard coming here and being told by an asexual what sexual attraction supposedly is, especially when they haven't experienced it first hand. Attraction is just attraction, at the end of the day.

It's what you want to do with it that counts. Other Sexually attracted to someone you hate telling you who or what can turn you on, attraction isn't much use. You're a little more complicated, in that you do experience attraction and desire to an extent, but desire for you is rare and reasonably mild.

If no, asexual; that one's pretty easy. If consistently yes, sexual; also easy. Or like you and mewhen an emotional bond has been established - demisexual. What about sometimes, or under certain conditions? The grey area exists as a catch all for these more complicated cases, but where the line is drawn between grey and sexual Sexually attracted to someone you hate up to you - if you feel your desire is far lower than your average person or it's just not strong enough for you to Sexually attracted to someone you hate upon, Sexually attracted to someone you hate make sense to say you're in the grey area, demisexual etc.

Realistically, it's just a word that helps you to navigate the world and relationships with people. It doesn't define you, and worrying about your sexuality or lack of certainly shouldn't take up much of your time.

I try to make it so I don't feel much of anything. Sounds like you're gray, which I am too. Because I know from experience that if I did actually have sex I wouldn't enjoy it and would hate myself afterwards. Some people on here are ok with the people who are effectively asexual to just identify as asexual, others insist that they do have a sexuality and thus aren't asexual but due to their reaction to it they fall under the Gray umbrella.

And I do see a point to the latter. Honestly, if it was explained to someone verbally or through explicitly sexual visual interest ; "i identify as asexual and desire sex with ppl but not IRL" it Sexually attracted to someone you hate help people's view on asexuality as a legitimate orientation or their perspective that 'everyone does desire sex, asexuals just dont want it IRL'.

Sexually attracted to someone you hate could even see it get stretched to just 'asexuals can desire sex'; and with asexuals already being able to sexually compromise Sexually attracted to someone you hate would amount to a normal sexual person and i could see the 'special snowflake' misconception on asexuality spreading. It could be difficult to clean up that mess on an orientation that's already hardly visible.

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